I think if you say you
are thinking of retiring, you have already retired…
John Madden
He was speaking of sports stars… nearing the end of their careers…
and their public stance as their careers ended… but…
It also speaks to all of us… (or at least me)
A month or so ago I decided to retire…The decision was quick…
not planned… but based on some information and an unexpected trigger…
I went from “I work here” to “I am retiring” in just over 24
hours... The morning of the second day I quit… First came disbelief and a hope
that I was just angry and would get over it (I was and wouldn’t) Then came the realization
and the negotiations… “When are you retiring?”
(we decided on late August) and “will
you stay until we find someone?” (Within reason, hence the roughly 90 days)
followed after I turned in the written letter of resignation by “do you mean it”
(yes)
So, now working out my roughly 90 some days. I find that Madden was right… once you say “it” (retired) you are (retired)…
I have seen others who set a retirement date… then retire in
fact earlier… in effect abandoning the job while continuing to hold a spot in
the organization and collect a pay check while holding up a single finger
toward their fellow employees… (In general employees leaving don’t actually
raise their middle finger… but based on their actions, they might as well)
Additionally, there is a “understanding” among public
employees (or an expectation by public employers) that we, the public employees
should give more than the typical 2 weeks notice… We after all are sworn public employees, with
extra responsibilities… (We are expected to report to work in time of public
emergencies, and if we don’t, we can be fired or possibly prosecuted…)
So, I have quit, as so, I am no longer committed to the job…
but still committed to the house, and the volunteers and fellow staff left
behind… to abandoned them would be abandoning friends… The job, not so much… I am really trying to not raise the middle
finger, in actuality or or by actions taken or not...
So I am trying to meet commitments… attend the meetings…
keep down the snarky… and I got just got screwed… I changed long standing personal plans to
attend a meeting to support a project I believed in… a project which had been canceled
before the meeting, but no one told me… so I missed an event which I had long
planned to attend… for nothing… This
brings back the anger that lead to the decision to leave… had it not been for
the ones left behind (particularly Barb) today would have probably been my last
day. Done, over…
Meanwhile folks, some of the ones left behind, were changing
things around my job… not to be mean… but to solve their problems and try to
transition… but in the process were dumping stuff in my bucket… a bucket long
overfull without capacity to accept more manure… They did not intend to cause my bucket to
overflow… that was an unintended consequence… but now I am standing ankle deep
in crap…
To make matters worse, the puddle of crap makes me less
effective, less productive, less able to care as I work our my days… which
leads to additional frustration… and more anger…
Meanwhile I am trying to address un-related work issues… and
others are apparently playing games… Some (outside both mine and “the other” organization)
are assuming I am leaving, and trying to re-arrange the deck chairs, looking
for an advantage… not understanding I
am, for now still here… They are saying thing to people... They are sending
emails… emails forwarded to me… the whole non-sense confirms the decision to
leave. Eventually the emails are likely
to lead to a confrontation… (“You, sir (”Sir” being unearned term of (dis)respect)
are a damn liar”) (hint, don’t be a damn liar))
So, in the end… there is a job to do, that I don’t care
about… and people doing stupid things around me, which once I might have over
looked, things that are making me angry…
Again… thinking about changing the last day…
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