I may have retired, Part III

So, I think I have retired…  I have sent a letter to my boss… but nothing is changing… I go to work… I go home…   I continue to get emails calling for budget plans and updates to annual goals…  An appointment for the social media committee…  updates on the union negotiations… 

There is an open question of other opportunities in the city… I am not counting on that… 

Beyond, closer to the retirement, there are some emails and calls… trying to scramble and plan for the “What’s Next”…  I am working harder than before I quit… 

I have some paper work to fill out…  plans to make…   I am looking for a date… a final good bye… farewell date…  Escape is the why… but simply saying “I quit” has not resulted in escape…  I still work on Maggie’s farm… 

There is an undercurrent… is he serious?… does he mean it?… is this real?  Yes.  

I will not work on Maggie’s Farm No More (apologies to Bob Dylan)

I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.
Well, I wake in the morning,
Fold my hands and pray for rain.
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin' me insane.
It's a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor.
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.

             Bob Dylan, from Bringing it all Back Home, recorded on January 15, 1965

According to Wikipidia,  "Maggie's Farm" is frequently interpreted as Dylan's declaration of independence from the protest folk movement… for me it is my declaration of independence from the hell which is the farm…  (I still haven’t broken free sufficiently to say the name of said farm… I am still calling it “the farm” or the “damn farm”….)

What ever comes next, the insanity needs to stop, and at some point the farm thing needs to end…  At some point if not defined by consensus or by others I will need to choose a date…   I am getting close to choosing my date… 

Most of my co-workers don’t yet know…  The ones near do…  I need to get a team in place…  I don’t know if the “Them” (see the previous post…) do or don’t…  I don’t care…  My biggest concern, my biggest issue is those left behind…   

I have great hope that by leaving I will take some of the heat off them…  Alternately, a new target will be assigned…  I can’t control that… only THEY can control that… I don’t trust the THEY… you shouldn’t either.  (I am starting to assign blame... not good...)

I am concerned about the house’s and the farm’s docent programs… I don’t want to go out spewing hate… docents, volunteers are emotionally invested…  and can turn to anger easily… While I may be frustrated and angry, I don’t need to leave that legacy behind… 

Park staffs have lurked about…  I am becoming paranoid…   it rises and ebbs…  the “Them” are about…   I hide… mostly off site… running errands that while useful, would  not have been run before… 

So away,  I am gardening…   Growing a bit of sanity…   It is both therapy, and a project…

With new found time, (less of that than expected,)  I  started with weeding and general maintenance, but has moved into the side yard, my vegetable garden… the cucumbers are in… the tomatoes too… there are artichokes both in the side yard and now in the front “flower bed” as foundation plants…. (who says you can’t harvest vegetables from the flower garden?)

The veggie garden is a strip, 4-6’ wide alongside the house… there is a 3’ wide brick path too… There is a high board fence, and a gavel and brick area for the trash and recycling cans, then a low fence… a bed with an artichoke, and room for more plants, not yet assigned or planted, likely sweet corn… then… a bed with potatoes in bags and room for a “Three sisters garden”; corn ( Indian dent corn), beans (rattle snake beans) and pumpkins (sugar pie pumpkin)  all from Renee’s Garden… beyond a bed with  squash (patti-pan, crookneck and one Zuk… (two… I flunked squash buying)) and pole beans… then another bed with tomatoes… and bunching onions… (aka green onions or scallions) then  another bed with cucumbers… and a picket fence… likely with sunflowers…

It is not as neat as suburban gardens are supposed to be… it is more of a hippie garden… but the garden like me is a child of its time…

There will be more sun flowers (started today from seed….)  Lettuce and chard and carrots and radishes in a raised bed… beyond in the back yard… likely some strawberries… some blue berries…  there is a lemon tree in back… the lime in the front yard in a pot… near the orange tree… a blood orange… very trendy but now near 60 years old…

The garden is fast becoming my sanctuary… I need a sanctuary...

With the garden coming together… I am spreading out… into the front and back yard… fences need work… the picket fence needs work…  I need to build another raised bed and install the pavers… there is a tree or two to take down… 

Then there is the house… It needs work, siding, new back doors… paint… another project…

If I file the paperwork all is final... I think I am ready for that...

Good night...  Randy